The best gift for yourself: realizing you can't do it wrong!

I wanted to share a great email I received from my friend, Marie Forleo, of "The Good Life." Marie is a Life Coach, a Nike athlete, and a top level Crunch fitness trainer. She is also the author of a terrific book called How to Make Every Man Want You. An audio version will be available soon.

Marie wrote:

I've been speaking with my VIP Private clients and noticed a common set of themes arising. And when more than one person is feeling something, it's usually a cultural current. One of things that people are reporting is a mild sense of sadness. Nothing major or devastating, just a dash of melancholy during what's supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year. So if find yourself feeling a little blue, rest assured you're not alone.
During the Holiday season, we often find ourselves feeling unusually pressured to "do it right." Whether that means buying the "perfect" presents, going to the "best" parties, or having the "right" things to say, many of us are left feeling like we're not measuring up. Add to that the picture perfect images of couples and families you see on TV and it's not surprising we feel like we're coming up a bit short.
(Can you relate?)
Well I've got a suggestion. I think it's time to give ourselves a break, have a good laugh and recognize we can't do it WRONG.
Really.
It's an impossibility for you to do the Holidays wrong. Whether you're having a quiet time at home, a fiesta with friends, or an adventure with your crazy-yet-nevertheless-entertaining family, it will all turn out exactly as it should.
The only question is whether or not you'll give yourself license to relax and enjoy the ride.
Remember, you can only be exactly as you are in each moment. That means you're a perfect you. (Yes YOU!) So accept this as your official "permission slip" to take a deep breath and relax into the rest of your Holiday. Trust that the plans you've made (or not made) and the presents you've bought (or not bought) are wonderfully and deliciously perfect.
If you find your mind racing, slow down and melt into the moment. Be wherever you are. Listen to the people you're with. Enjoy whatever unfolds - even if it's different that what you expect.
I wish you a blessed Holiday season and send a ton of love to you and yours,
xox
Marie

If you would like a copy of Marie's book, you can download the digital version here that comes with a bonus video, transcript and additional ebook!http://www.makeeverymanwantyou.com/

Men, Money & Chocolate

A very dear English friend of mine, Menna van Praag, has published a lovely and whimsical book that inspires and delights.

Men, Money & Chocolate is a fable that tells the story of Maya, a young girl who is inspired to go for her life with excellence after an encounter with a mysterious stranger.

Menna explains in her own words,

A little while ago I had an experience that flipped me into three days of enlightenment. Everything became clear. For the first time I could really see people, and knew what they were thinking. Most importantly of all, I could see what stopped them being truly happy.
On the third day I heard three words: Men, Money and Chocolate. It was the pursuit of love, security and pleasure that so often caused people to lose themselves and their chance of experiencing joy.
That day I started to write a book about my experience. Men, Money & Chocolate tells the story of a woman who learns the secrets to enlightenment and discovers how to get what she really wants without losing herself in the process.

You can read more about the book, as well as preview the first chapter on the official website here.

To purchase Men, Money & Chocolate, click here.

Musical Connections

I was going through my friend, Terri's blog, and found something neat. Her blog (all about jazz and jazz viewing opportunities in NYC) also mentions Transformation. Now Terri is a lovely woman, very kind & self-effacing. But I can't say I knew much about her, other than that I liked her & that she had traveled to Italy recently. Reading her blog, however, I got to meet her in a whole new way. And I am bowled over by her passion for music!

Also, since she is traditionally quiet during our Monday Night Alive discussions, I never knew what impact they had on her life, but I have always been happy to see her friendly smile amid the company of our friends. It was so cool to read about her experience of Transformation in her own words. I recommend Terri's blog in general for anyone interested in the NY music scene. And check out this post to read someone else's perspective on Transformation and self-discovery.

Halloween Bash

I celebrated Halloween for the third and final time at Columbus 72, Swing dancing to music provided by the always fabulous Joe Battaglia & the NY Big Band. Joe & his "boys" were wonderful and provided hours of great music to enjoy on the dance floor or from the sidelines. Many thanks to Joe for always giving us his best and really bringing Big Band music & Latin music to life with excellence.

Tonight, I was a cow-girl sheriff. I was ridin' the fences, roping doggies, hanging with my good friend Micheline, aka Marie-Antoinette. We had a good time watching the crowd, enjoying the various costumes. Our friend, Andy, put together a wonderful wizard costume complete with a glowing orb that changed colors. Stylish Suzanne used her talents for dressing store windows & designing sets to scare up an undead flapper outfit. We were dazzled by Zorro, one of my favorite regular dancers to admire, who is aways entertaining to watch.

Halloween has always been one of my favorite days of the year. I realized that it is a day where people give themselves permission: permission to have fun, to be creative, to express themselves, to explore a different side of themselves, to be zany, to disregard their thoughts about what other people (including ourselves!) will say. Now, we all have an inner "governor" who can be more or less loud & bossy, depending upon how much we invest in what others think. On Halloween, though, folks seem to be willing to give the "governor" a blessed night off. Of course, once we recognize that we have this "governor," we can choose to operate as if everyday is Halloween. Um... minus the wigs or skimpy skirts -or not... depending upon your line of work or hobbies, I suppose. ;-) Awareness, frees us from the conversation in our head.

For me, this freedom definitely followed in my dancing. I was able to ditch my thoughts & pay attention to the music, rather than my judgments about my lack of proficiency at dancing. I was also able to try different styles from Swing to Hip Hop and just have FUN with it.

Fellow dance enthusiasts Calvin, Suzanne, Will & friends were there to cast a spell on their dance partners.

Halloween at the Yale Club

A small group of us attended a lively function to usher in this year's Halloween festivities. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. I find it very magical and filled with possibility. You can literally be anyone for a day. Way cool! This party at the Yale club was a wonderful way to start off the festivities.

Here is Druce surrounded by Glam Girl & Marilyn Monroe.

Saying No to my Automatic No

Tonight, a few of us had drinks at a midtown spot, Pera. Very nice locale, good wine list, great company. What made this particular happy hour so extraordinary was a simple question posed by my awesome friend, Eric. We had been listening to our friend, Emmanuelle, tell us about her amazing honeymoon with her honey, Luis, in Tanzania. She stayed in romantic camps and saw luscious scenery and took a safari scattered with exotic animals. Listening to her I was thinking, "Ooooh, I would love to go to Africa. Africa's far. Africa is wild. I wonder how many vaccinations I would need to go to Africa. Oooh, but I really would like to go. But Africa must be really expensive. And I don't speak the various languages. Gee, it's too bad I can't go to Africa..." At that moment, Eric asked a simple, but brilliant question. He turned to the rest of us and said, are you ready for this? "Hey, why don't we go to Africa?"

Now we are a pretty well-traveled bunch. Between us we have been to Nepal, Italy, Austria, Costa Rica, Sweden, France, Australia, India, and Hungary, just to name a few destinations. We've seen fjords in Alaska, attended Nobel prize ceremonies, logged telescope time at space observatories all over the world, spent countless months at the Louvre if one were to add up all our visits, danced on tables on the isle of Capri, trekked through the Himalayas, and seen so many wonders, natural as well as man-made that have taken our collective breath away.

Yet, I found myself automatically listening to a conversation inside my head that was all ready to come up with dozens of reasons why I couldn't do something. It was my automatic "No!" that kicked in before I even knew what was happening. When I listen to my automatic No, what I really want and what I can truly accomplish usually doesn't stand a chance. I realized that if I let the automatic No run my life, I will rob myself of some amazing experiences. I might turn down a super job offer, or not give a potentially terrific relationship a chance or not even sign up for a breast cancer awareness marathon, or not even consider a trip to Africa with great people.

So thanks to Eric, we started asking questions. We found out when to go (June, because it's winter there); how to book (Emmanuelle is giving us the number of a travel agent based in Tanzania); what to see (we started a list on a cocktail napkin). Most of all, I saw that my thoughts & mental chatter don't have to run my life. As soon as I became aware of this mechanical response, the non judgmental seeing of it was enough to gain my independence from it. Pretty cool.

Mauro

Mauro deserves his own post. He just does.

One of the best things about Mauro is that he is unflappably cheerful. Another is that he can be silly & revel in it. But he is also smart & efficient & understanding & of service & fun to know.

Mauro is like a bag of assorted jelly beans but with only the good kind -you know, without the more experimental flavors, like "cumin" or "onion."

Mauro is one of my favorite people in the whole world. He's awesome because when I get into a silly accent mood & go to the front desk to ask for "a skeedool for the trens to Neppels", he will hand me the schedule without batting an eye & answer "Chertainly, chignorina." And that's all there is to it.

Transformation Floats

A moment to tell you a sweet story.
My friends, Felice & Oliviera, have been fellow hotel guests and occasional passengers on the hotel's wooden cruiser, Il San Antonio II, for the past few years. Over the years ,we have developed the enviable ritual of setting out from the mossy dock at 10:30 almost every morning and ferrying out to a pristine part of the coastline. The skipper drops the anchor a few hundred feet from shore, and the guests, plop lazily one by one, into the cobalt water. The more daring of us don flippers and a mask & snorkel and follow schools of Guaracini back to the shoals and rocks that host varied sea life such as sponges, "sea-tomatoes" and sea urchins, among other creatures.
What I didn't know was that Oliviera did not know how to swim & was actually quite afraid of the water. In fact, her husband had nestled a pool in their backyard over 30 years ago, which she had never gotten the courage to exploit. Felice had even hired swim instructors for her on numerous occasions, but she always refused to go past her knees.
In the past, I have coaxed a few other friends into the crystal blue waters of the Mediterranean and was willing to do the same for Oliviera. The sea is so refreshing and calm that I thought it was a shame for her to miss out on the fun: the sweet relief of the cool water after the hot sunny trip; the luxurious feeling of the salty water playing about her skin; the delight of looking down at her own feet distorted by the water's perspective. So I invited her to come in with me and promised I would not let go of her hand, no matter what.
To everyone's great delight, she agreed to put on a life preserver & venture into the watery depths. I could tell she was a bit nervous, but I was just there with her and reminded her to breathe once in a while, when I noticed she was holding her breath. She knew I understood and respected her fear, but I wanted to support her in overcoming it and in taking part in the pleasures she had been missing out on in the past. We did a two-handed water waltz that first day, but by the end of her stay, she was able to let go of both my hands and paddle herself about with me treading water near her.
I really admired her courage because the water is quite deep where we were, and it was no small feat for her to climb down the ladder clad in her life-ring that first dip. She was so happy and proud of herself and the first thing she did when back on board was to call her grandkids and tell them what she and la mia Alessandra had done.

Positano Friends

One of my favorite things about Positano are my wonderful friends.



Mariano, with the big smile, is one of my best friends in the world. He studied at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts and worships Al Pacino. One of his prime concerns every year is to find out if he is as dreamy as the previous year.




Silvia and Stefano are amazing friends and two of the nicest people I know. I love them because they are so kind & sweet & love animals. They have 2 adorable cats, Choo Choo & Lisca. In this photo, Silvia is dangling a medal Stefano has just won on top of his head. His team won a local soccer tournament, and we celebrated that evening at a friend's winebar.