Quotes from Fr. Anthony de Mello

While checking out an interesting website called Soul Surgery (see previous post,) I came across this very insightful author, Fr. Anthony de Mello. The creator of of the blog, Carol L. Skolnick, reprinted some quotations from De Mello in her post. I thought they were so right on and consistent with living with well-being that I wanted to share some of them as well.

"It is a great mystery that though the human heart longs for Truth, in which alone it finds liberation and delight, the first reaction of human beings to Truth is one of hostility and fear!"

"There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."

"As you identify less and less with the 'me.' you will be more at ease with everybody and with everything. Do you know why? Because you are no longer afraid of being hurt or not liked. You no longer desire to impress anyone. Can you imagine the relief when you don't have to impress anybody anymore? Oh, what a relief. Happiness at last!"

"Wisdom tends to grow in proportion to one's awareness of one's ignorance."

"Suffering points out that there is falsehood somewhere. Suffering occurs when you clash with reality. When your illusions clash with reality when your falsehoods clash with the truth, then you have suffering. Otherwise there is no suffering."

- Fr. Anthony de Mello

...And Elephants

I have always loved Elephants because I find them to be mystical creatures. They strike me as wise and connected to the Earth, their environment, and their ancestors.
That's what intitially attracted me to this interesting post on a blog called Soul Surgery by Carol L. Skolnick.

The Post is called Taming and Befriending the Elephant, and I thought this post, was very keen because it adressed our reluctance to deal with issues that we anticipate and fear will be painful or shameful to confront. The irony is that it is this fear itself that causes all the suffering, not the actual issue itself.
I can relate this to the first and third principles of Instantaneous Transformation. The first principle states that "What you resist, persists, grows stronger and dominates your life." Just like the fear of whatever we are resisting facing. The third principle shows us how to break free because "what you allow to be exactly as it is, without judging it, will complete itself." For more information on the principles of Instantaneous Transformation, check out the links on the right.

Taming and Befriending the Elephant
You've heard the expression, "There's an elephant in the living room"? That purported pachyderm represents something huge that everyone knows about, yet no one wants to call attention to, for fear of setting off a stampede.

Most of us learn to pretend there's no elephant when we're very small. Maybe one parent is alcoholic, or having an affair. Big sister throws up after dinner, little brother seems blue lately, but "it's just a phase kids go through." We don't talk about these things, especially outside the family; we fear we could rock the boat, and lose our "happy" home.

Later in life, there may be other issues we're reluctant to acknowledge. If we're trying to keep status quo, we can end up not simply with an elephant in the room, but with bats in the belfry.

"This marriage isn't working, but we have to stay together for the kids, and pretend everything is okay for their sake."

"I'm sure everyone is aware there's something amiss at the office, but I'm not going to be the whistle blower; we all need our paychecks."

"Yeah, I did notice the bruises. She said she fell downstairs. Well, of course she seemed shaken, wouldn't you?"

Why do we pretend something is okay when it isn't—or, in extreme cases, that it doesn't even exist? Some possibilities:

1. Shame. What a terrible thing for the elephant to be here!
2. We believe so strongly that the "elephant" shouldn't be there that we can't even recognize it as an elephant.
3. If we see something as a problem it means we're "negative" or "unevolved."
4. We believe that if we told the truth, we could hurt someone.
5. Acknowledging a problem might cost us something (money, a relationship, reputation, peace in the house).
6. Maybe if we wait long enough, the problem will go away by itself.

Meanwhile the elephant is taking up a great deal of space. It trumpets loudly, it eats a lot, it's creating a mess, and there's always the possibility that it could get loose, run rampant, and stomp or smother us to death. This elephant feeds, not on peanuts, but on fear. Eventually, it may grow so large that we can no longer pretend it's not in the way.

That's a good thing...because the best way to handle an elephant in the living room is not by ignoring it. If it won't leave by itself (and trust me, it won't as long as there's something for it to feed upon), it's far more effective to recognize the elephant as an elephant and proceed from there.

The elephant is no larger, wilder, or all-consuming than our thoughts about it.

©2008 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.